July 26, 2010

Was I Wrong? (Asking For Your Opinion)

After receiving well over 700 comments, texts and Facebook messages from everyone helping me get through the lowest point of my life.

I also received a comment that really bothered me. But before I respond to this comment I wanted to ask for your opinion.

Was I wrong to reach out to my subscribers asking for advice/prayers?

Should I just kept it in and not shared my tragedy with anyone?

Does anyone else think that I used my worst tragedy to help my name and business?

Below is the comment that was made:

From Isiah B,

“I’m very sorry for your loss. However, I’m more sorry that you’d blog about tragedy and send mass emails to people you don’t even know like me. Why the hell do you need to let the world know about your unborn son? How the hell are blog posts going to help you deal with something like this? Only family and god can be of use here, isn’t that obvious? I can’t help but feel like by doing this you’re helping your business and your name. Good god some people. Look! Now your making yourself vulnerable to people like me. I’m not heartless I’m just not fucking buying it.”

Please leave me a comment below and let me know if you agree with Isiah. Do you think that I shouldn’t ask for help and prayers in time of need? Do you think I used this tragedy for personal gain?

I would love to know your thoughts and comments below.

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July 27, 2010

Carolina @ 2:11 pm

Sam,
Isiah’s attitude disgusts me. Stay away from such negative people like him. They only try to make others miserable because they are unhappy with their own life. Stay strong Sam, you have a lot going for you.

Richard Garcia @ 2:20 pm

Just let it go! This person has a problem and you were there to lash out at. Don’t take it personel its his problem not yours. My prayers are with your child, you and your family.
God Bless!

Jurhee @ 2:38 pm

First—Isiah should be deleted from your e-mail list and dismissed as a client, if he is one. He does not deserve to be associated you, your family, and clients in any manner. He is a thoughtless idiot. If he did not like what you did, he should have just ignored your post. What he did was totally uncalled for.

My heart goes out to you and your wife in this time. You certainly did not need Isiah to add to your grief and heartache.

I don’t think what you did was wrong. You obviously have a close relation to your clients and it was the easiest way to let everybody know, and to get lots of prayers and good thoughts going to help you deal with the situation.

Diego @ 2:46 pm

Dont stop what your doing bro it was just a message i think its very toching u share this with us thats how we know u actually care bro 🙂

Carole Cavanaugh @ 2:56 pm

Hi Sam,
You are not the main stream BUSINESSMAN…..and that may be where some may have not understood your decison to use your e-mail blast to reachout for your personal tragedy.
I can remember how sensitive your were to me, when shortly after I joined your gym, I suffered an injury. You were rational and generous, and have always left the door open for me to return…whenever…with no further cost…unheard of in the business world! Two years later, I am still not able to return, but I know when and if I am ever well again, you will welcome me with open arms. This is the SAM that we all love, and the one that innocently reached out for help.
Was it TRADITIONAL? NO!… ARE YOU TRADITIONAL? NO!
BUT THANK GOD! This is why you ARE SO RESPECTED AND ENDEARED.
My sincere advice is to ignore Isaiah, or respond with ” Thank you for taking your time to respond…may God Bless You..”
Then spend your energy on helping yourself and family heal with the support of the hundreds who stand with you….just as you are….

Marcel @ 3:08 pm

The heck with that guy….If he is not in your life or your FAMILY’S life then who gives a rats @$$ what he thinks….Just wait till he has to face something so painful as such…..WE ARE ALL HERE FOR YOU!!!!!

Diana Flores @ 3:21 pm

Hi Sam,
I think the comment the guy made was wrong in his behalf… if he did not care he should have not comment.
You do good in your buisness because you truly care for others. You help so many with there health issues and we become close good friends.Don’t ever change countinue to be you. I thank God I found you and appriciate all you do for my family… My God continue to bless you, the family and your buisness. Please pay no attention to that person.
Diana

Victor @ 4:10 pm

Hi Sam, I have been reading your blogs for quite some time, wheater is about fitness or the birth of your daughter. At the same time I can see Isaiah’s point, even though you share some very personal things the majority of your postings are related to fitness so on the outside the perception can be that this situation is being exploited for your personal gain, after all no where on your original blog do you mention your wife and I can’t even begin to imagine what she is going thru. I’ve been your customer, I’ve met your family and I know the type of person you are from our interactions while I was there so I know you were reaching out to your community of friends. My suggestion would be to ignore Isaiah’s comment, after all he is entitled to his opinion. What you are going thru is very personal and traumatic but know that there are a lot of people that support you, so use that strenght you are being blessed with thru our comments and be there for your family first and foremost.

Victor

Cristin Gonzalez @ 4:28 pm

Hi Sam,
I was a little surprised by the email just because I am such a private person and would never do anything like that. It never crossed my mind that it was anything to promote your business, I just figured people grieve in different ways. I am very sorry for your loss and my opinion is that guy should have just unsubscribed and kept quiet. He was way out of line.

Bob @ 5:08 pm

Dr. Sam,

Do not let a few spoil the support of the many. Remembr, your friends do not need an explaination and anyone who would complain about your sharing your grief does not deserve your friendship. Sharing good times and bad are what friends are for. True friends are a blessing and it appears you are very blessed!!!

Thanks,
Bob

stephon @ 5:15 pm

You are a caring thoughtful sharing kind of person. Thats you dont change for anyone! As soon as you start bending for everybody your not being straight with your self!
So YOU BE YOU FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY!
I love you like a brother and you know that and i will always consider you family…..
No I dont think you did it for personal gain, obviously this guy doesnt know you at all and maybe he shouldnt ve been on you list of friends to be contacted.
Now just tell me who this guy is and where he lives and and me and the boys will go straighten him out “Cabish?”

Logan @ 5:20 pm

Dr Sam

Someone once told me, “When you soar with eagles, you can’t let the turkeys get you down.’ I believe you soar with eagles because of your sincere desire to help others live
their best life. That guy was a total turkey and completely out of line.

Thoughts and prayers are with you during this difficult time.

Linda @ 5:21 pm

Hi Sam,

We all need to keep in mind that tragedies are written about often in print media articles that reach millions.

Since email is now widely accepted it is natural to communicate in this way.

We choose to read these articles and the writers are encouraged in times of tragedy to reach out

to others as generally people want to offer help, kind words, and prayers. As you mentioned in thank you

letter there were many helpful responses.

Any negative response you might receive shows a lack of character on the part of the sender.

You are supplying your readers with fitness information that is helpful to their health. Your openness about

tragedy was a good example to everyone of a healthy way to deal with tragedies.

Linda

Brant @ 5:22 pm

Sam…the truth has it way of showing itself in a very humorous way. What we say about others says more about who WE ARE than who they are. See the humor in it, feel the compassion for the guy (poor Isiah…he has issues)and then hit the delete button.

??? @ 5:26 pm

There are negative people all around us, but in order to move forward and stay positive, we need to surround ourselves by trusted family and friends, who care about us. When you surround yourself with these positive people; you learn not to give a shit about the rotten apples anymore.

My suggestion to that very “wise man” is, “Don’t give that one rotten apple the power of another thought.” He isn’t worth wasting your time/energy to be concerned with his his type. You said that you received over 700 e-mails that were positive and showed how many people care about you, Johnette, Bailee and your son. I wrote you because I know the kind of man you are and have seen you in action. You were not using the loss of your son to promote your business!!! You were reaching out in your own way. I think that you have a very private side that is hard for you to show others. If 700 people sent you their heartfelt love, symapthy and took the time to reach out to you…don’t give that one bad apple another thought.

I hope that if that “bad apple” ever hit a roadblock, such as you just did…you would reach out to him and continue to show him that you are the same man that “we know.” You can’t change people or their perceptions of you. Don’t let him get the best of you…he is not worth wasting your time, energy or concern over.

You were blindsided by the loss of your son. It hurts and it hurts in a way that you have never experienced before. Ignore the idiot who wrote that message to you. I remember one picture of you; we only saw your back, with your arms extended towards the sky, in your hand was this precious piece of both you and your wifes love…it was Bailee. I carry that picutre in my mind because to me it symbolized that your life had come full circle.

You have suffered, you have percerviered, and you have succeeded to become the man you are today. When I think of that picture now, I see Bailee, but in the other hand is your heart reaching out to touch the one you loved and lost. Any man can be a father, but it takes a great man to be a “Daddy.”

There are two things in this life, we must give our children: One is roots and the other is Wings. You are surrounded by people who love and care about you and your family. Lead by example for your daughter and your son; don’t take time away from her or your wife to think/care about the “one” who had to be an asshole.

I think that is what the “wise man” I met one day would expect me to do…I hope he can follow his own advice.

You are loved and cared for by so many. I know one asshole hurt you in your time of grief. Take an apple outside and throw it as far and as hard as you can. Don’t keep him from letting us surround you with good thoughts, prayers, love and caring.

brett @ 5:29 pm

Sam, Isiah must have been a ball bag in his past life, NO Brains Mate.
All the best to you and your family.

Michele @ 5:30 pm

“No you are not wrong, Sam. People forget that FB is a great place to catch up with people that you knew from Highschool and so forth. I love to hear all the good things that my fellow classmates have done with their lives since Sharon Highschool. But unfortunately there are alot of bad things that happens to us too. In those times, we need all the support that we can get to help us get through those times. That’s how you know who your true freinds are. And on a professional note…… No, you should not keep it all bottled up inside. you yourself know what undo stress can do to the human body. Keep your head up my friend. “

DonnaE @ 5:30 pm

I missed your other post about your baby. I’m really sorry to hear of your loss. Someone else I know just lost their unborn baby today and they did the same thing as you, as I would do and as many people do. It’s just the way we communicate today.

Plus, I know you and I know that you consider everyone you come into contact with a friend. You actually care about your clients and really want to help them, not make money off them. And, that’s why you are successful for the long run. Some of us have enough consciousness to realize that family is made through the heart, not through blood or marriage. True family starts off as friends and then develops from there if there are alliances of the heart. We actually are all family, but some people are very confused and walk around lost in their anger, irritation, jealousy, hatred, etc. and not only do they separate themselves from other people, they separate themselves from the source. I feel very bad for these people because they have lost touch with what is real and what love is all about.

Like other people said, don’t take this or any other negative message to heart. Negativity never comes from a higher source. You are a wonderful person and we are all richer for your friendship. My prayers go out for this person and for anyone else that would allow such negativity to feed on them and allow it to spread. Our best reaction to this should be to feel empathy and love towards them and not perpetuate negativity.

All the best, Sam.

Mariano @ 5:31 pm

Dr. Saman,

We grieve with you and your family and hold them in our prayers. It is unfortunate that there are those that
can not relate to the pain and suffering of others. To attack another person when they are most
vulnerable takes a very unusual callous and insensitive person. They may not understand this but they
desperately need emotional support and prayer too.

Mariano

Gabriela @ 5:32 pm

Sam,
I did see this and felt bad that someone took the time to be so cruel. You have always posted your life events and shared yourself with all of us like an open book. You make yourself accessible and vulnerable, which is why so many of us feel a connection with you that goes beyond that of a place where we work out. You treat us like family. Do not let the obvious error of someone who does not know you burden your mind or heart. Seven hundred wishes of love should far outweight this one individual.
Your friend,
Gabriela

Georgette @ 5:33 pm

I don’t think it was a business move. This person doesn’t know you. You have an inner voice that tells you what is right and wrong for YOU, listen to that voice. Forgive, move on.

Chelsea @ 5:37 pm

Oh my god Sam…

I am so sorry – I’ve been working out of town nonstop and just saw your blog.

I wish I could give you a huge hug right now.

My heart is with you.

And – ignore what that guy said. There are a lot of people out there that care for you and that is your blog. You are allowed to write whatever you want in it – and I think what happened is significant enough to be put in there. If he doesn’t like what you write, then he can choose not to read it.

*huge hugs*

~Chelsea

hamilton @ 6:32 pm

Sam you are a great person and I consider you as a mentor to me. Please don’t ever stop being you! Keep your head up man. I am with you!!!!

Yvonne @ 6:58 pm

There is no reason to acknowledge such an insensitive email.
People respond in ways we may not agree with nor understand.
However, you are giving the sender unnecessary & probably
much wanted attention. Let it go< he accomplished his goal of
hurting you and until you let it go, replaying the response only hurts
more. Take care of yourself and give the attention elsewhere.
Good Luck, Yvonne

I can see why he would say that. BUT, it’s an ever increasing virtual world. I have many friends through the internet that I’ve never met in person, but have collaborated and conversed with that I feel like I know and I could call friends with Sam being one of them. A blog is just a tool to do that. Many of us write about very personal things good and bad. Writing itself can be a great coping mechanism, it just happens to be going out to a lot of people.

Of course, Sam is a salesman and he is always relationship marketing, but in this case, I think he was just trying to garner as much support as possible in a really difficult time. It might even help his business, but probably in such a way as to draw us all closer in to knowing him. There’s nothing wrong with selling something and there’s nothing wrong with writing about your personal life in a public place. The beauty of a free country is that if you don’t like it, you don’t have to read it.

Chris Lutz-Master Trainer
http://www.spartatraining.com/members

Lesley @ 8:38 pm

Dear Dr. Bakhtiar,

I’m sure that you have gotten a lot of messages and emails and hopefully most of them have been of comfort to you. You may not get a chance to read mine, but if you do, please know that you have my deepest sympathies.

When people suffer great tragedies, the way we react varies. We may turn inward and want to be alone or we may look to others for comfort and words of peace. There is no right way to do it; only the way that helps you the most. You asked for words of comfort because you were searching for anything that might help and hopefully it did. When my mother lost a child, she spent the first month after his death sorting through his things and cleaning out his room. Many people criticized her for this reaction, but it was how she dealt with it. It gave her comfort to look through his stuff, to keep busy and to go over past memories. Anyone who would criticize you for how you needed to process the news obviously has never gone through it themselves.

I hope that you allow the real words of sympathy to outweigh the pettiness of people who will look for and find fault with anyone. You may use your blog and facebook page for business, but I also know that you consider most of those people to be your friends. Even if you didn’t, it is not our place to judge how and where one looks for solace. We should just be there to provide it if it is needed.

Again, please know that you and your wife both have my deepest sympathies and will be in my thoughts.

Lesley

Shelby @ 8:38 pm

“I think that was a horrible disgusting thing for this man to say, he is clearly a lost,very sad individual, hard to pray for a guy like that but that is what we are called to do, love the unlovable, you are a good man Sam with an unbelievable heart, God will restore all you have lost.”

Monica @ 8:39 pm

“I’m very sorry for your loss. I don’t think you were wrong in any way. I think posting it was smart and emotionally healthy. Do I think it’s a bit of a personal gain? I won’t lie, I think it is a little. However, you are obviously very dedicated to your business and make an effort to not only relate to your clients, but to allow them to relate to you. This is apparent in all the work you do and all that you post. Everyone copes differently and for someone who gives everything they have to their business in trying to help others and for whom their business is such a personal and important part of their life, I think there was nothing wrong with you posting that you could use some words of encouragement and prayer. I think this person has is suffocating in his own rear end and forgetting all the encouraging words YOU have posted to everyone on a regular basis. There is nothing wrong with asking for the same in return and allowing your clients to relate to you on an emotional level. It shows you’re human and connected to them, not just some random person who has the perfect life trying to preach the art perfect living. I believe that everything happens for a reason and if this tragic loss can bring any positivity at all to you, your family, or your business after the long journey of emotional healing and grief, then this event and your son have served their purpose in this world as well as the will of God. Too bad Isiah, or whatever his name is can’t see the light of day from where his head is. Again, I’m deeply sorry for your loss and wish you and your family the best. I don’t think you should have any reservations about posting such things and asking for encouragement. Life happens.

Hooman @ 8:40 pm

“I think it was a fine show of revealing your true, inner self, Sam, by showing vulnerability. We’re all vulnerable. We all deal with loss and tragedy. We all need prayer and support and hope otherwise we’re just a human-doing instead of a human-being. It takes a real man to reach out in times of need. It also takes a real man to reach back out when a friend is IN need. Hope our prayers can be of support, doc. God grant you and your family the patience, peace, and comfort you’ll need as you deal with this tragic chapter in your lives. We’re all here for you. Don’t ever forget that.”

Jim Wray @ 9:05 pm

First of all Sam your intentions were pure and reaching out to friends and colleagues alike is never wrong. You’re a man of conviction, heart, and intentional kindness. That being said, being your friend I want to tell you should to talk about stuff like that then I am open and ready to help. Don’t allow someone darken your day. God Bless you and your family.

Heather @ 9:13 pm

Be glad you are not that guy!

shirley @ 9:45 pm

Hi Sam,
I didn’t hesitate to doubt for one minute that you shared this painful part of your life with the people I believe you care about the most. Because you have shared openly your family photos and your heart with us in the past so why would we would feel we are “family” would think you had a “hidden agenda” by sharing the loss of your son. You told us about his conception – how could you have NOT told us about his departure? We, as your internet “family” would have been very hurt and devastated had you NOT shared this with us! Listen Sam – there are a lot of “Isiah(s)” in the world – they are the “critical, negative” ones that always believe that anyone that is successful has to have a hidden agenda because he has a negative, critical spirit living in him! Sam, DON’T DRINK THAT POISON! Because it is BITTER to the soul! Isiah is trying to poison your spirit! We all know that your character is well above that type of manipulation so forget about it and keep being SAM! p.s. I LOVE YOUR MONDAY MORNING INSPIRATION VIDEOS!

Robb Braun @ 10:03 pm

A friend once shared with me “What you think of me is none of my damn business.” Let Isiah B. go…he’s an asshole. You just keep being the powerful man you are. You will just want to be careful not to encounter Isiah’s idea of God (though I’m sure hew
would describe Him as loving and compassionate).

July 28, 2010

SAMANTHA @ 3:11 am

Hi Sam

I dont agree with what Isaiah said , my advice to you is to keep it real and if our prayers helped you during your time of bereavement , let him be , you know there a saying , everyone is entitled to his or hers own opinion , I think his a jerk , he should keep his negative opinions to himself.

Jimmy @ 6:39 am

Don’t take it to heart, some people are just that way. You can’t make everyone happy. It is what it is, his opinion doesn’t matter, he doesn’t know you. Just let it roll off your back. Your friends are here for you!

Endy Farrow @ 9:18 am

Dr. Sam,
Thanks for sharing. You have done more for me than you will ever know. Do what ever you need to do to stay strong. I appreciate you.
Endy

Dimitri Kort @ 9:51 am

Some people are like that. However hurtful the words were, they are just words. Just move on, turn the page and know that you are loved by family and friends.

Be good

-Dimitri

In My option on Isiah responds is this God teaches us that we are our brothers keeper. Your business was not my main focus. My main concern was your well being.

Judith @ 8:34 pm

Wow…can’t believe that you would get that kind of response…..move on, focus on your family and friends and don’t think twice about what he said.

July 29, 2010

Ray @ 7:26 pm

Hey Sam, I’m just now reading your message as well as hearing about your families tragedy. My prayers go out to you. I really wanted to give you my opinion to that nasty message you recieved. You know you only have to please one person and thats, God. You’re right, we can’t please everyone! But only God knows how and why you did what you did, and honestly I don’t think you did anything wrong. I wouldn’t pay that guy any attention because if he knew anything about family and God, he wouldn’t have been so shallow and nasty! God Bless My Brutha!
Ray

Isiah Den Beste @ 7:47 pm

Saman,

I was just trying to get a rise. You let a complete stranger do that. 19 years old at that. Shows you how vulnerable a person can be in heartace. Saman Bakhitar. I’ve been a complete fool. I sincerely ask for forgiveness from the bottom of my heart. I can’t believe I’d tested myself like this. You don’t deserve this. Please forgive me. And god bless your family.

Dr. Saman @ 7:50 pm

Isiah,

I hope no one ever goes through what I went through. I am not going to lie I am/was so hurt by your comments.
I absolutely love kids. As a matter of fact looking and playing with my little one year old daughter is the only thing that kept me together this week.
One day when God blesses you with children and you hold your child it will completely change your life forever.
I don’t hold a grudge against you as I am not perfect myself. All we can do as humans is learn from our mistakes.
I thank you for apologizing and I accept your apology. May God Bless you and your family.

August 1, 2010

Adrian Ennis @ 1:15 pm

I don’t see how this tragedy would be a gain for business. You ask for help and prayers and I don’t have any problem with that at all. God bless.