Let me ask you a question…
How do you talk to yourself?
At the end of the day, there is only one opinion we cannot ignore – our own.
“It took me a long time not to judge myself through someone else’s eyes.” -Sally Field
I don’t know why some people care so much about others opinions.
The most important opinion is your opinion of yourself.
“I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”
When we get upset or have something we need to really focus on, be it a big presentation, a really hard workout, or even while we calm ourselves down after something bad happens, we hear this voice.
Some of us have truly self destructing internal mental dialogues, while others learn how to harness this powerful ally and use it to push themselves further.
Does yours say:
“You got this.”
“Let’s go. Keep pushing.”
Or in the case of a needed calm down, “It’s alright. Just relax. Not a big deal.”
OR does your mental dialogue resemble something like this:
“Here we go again. You always mess up.”
“I don’t want to. I always fail.” others
Or in the relaxation case “I can’t believe them! They have some nerve!”
I’m not saying you have exclusively one kind of self-talk over another. I am only saying that usually you can tell, if you are honest with yourself, which tone predominates.
“You have to expect things of yourself before you can do them”
There has been a lot of talk in the self-improvement world over whether or not self-talk is a powerful tool or a hindrance.
I believe it can be either, depending on how you view yourself.
Self-talk will always REINFORCE what we already believe unless we take action to correct ourselves and do something about it.
For me, my self-talk usually sounds like the first list “Let’s go. Bring it” but occasionally, I find myself thinking “No, not again.”
“It’s not who you are that holds you back, it’s who you think you’re not. Author Unknown
When I do hear a voice like that, I always stop myself and ask “Why?” Many times, the answer surprises me.
“Obstacles don’t have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don’t turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.”
They will be almost comical when you turn over those stones and see that oftentimes these negative thoughts are just remnants of failures in the past that have grown unchecked.
“If you hear a voice within you saying, ‘You are not a fitness person,’ then by all means go to the gym and that voice will be silenced” -Sam Bakhtiar
Perhaps it was a botched history presentation in middle school or a missed foul shot in a basketball game. (in my case not making the team in 9th grade) or The fact that my Dad left my mother and I when I was only 3 years old.
Yeah, here is my dirty laundry. I have daddy issues. That’s why I became the dad that I always wanted to my children.
Whatever it was, many times it does not have any real effect on your current performance.
As a matter of fact it can be used to FUEL your performance.
You are certainly a different person than you were in the past, and should expect to behave differently under pressure situations.
And if all this fails, just remember that nothing is the end of the world and that no one else in the boardroom, audience, etc. cares about this as much as you do, so they probably won’t care if you mess up or not.
So – the next time you have something major and you start getting psyched out, check your internal voices and ask them why they are saying what they are.
Oftentimes you will laugh at the real reasons, and from there, be able to correct it that internal voice to say WHATEVER YOU WANT IT TO SAY.
Be your best supporter, not your worst enemy.
Talk to you soon,
PS – I am from the hood so I use “Smack Talking” as motivation to push myself. When I talk “Smack” I HAVE TO BACK IT UP. I tell these young trainers everyday that at 40 I still look better than them. Now the old man has to back it up. Yeah baby BRING IT YOUNGLINGS. FORTY IS THE NEW TWENTY.
PPS – Stay tuned as tomorrow I will talk about STRESS and how it can make you FAT. I will also introduce you to
a brand new program and a lady who turned a HUGE tragedy into a victory. DO NOT MISS
PPPS – PUT AUGUST 17TH on your calendars. Our trainers and fitness family is going to the beach. Food, fun, did I mention food and more food. I am thinking of some volleyball. I got two weeks to work on my vertical 😉