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July 31, 2010

10 Things I learned When I Was at My Lowest

As many of you already know I have been hiding out for a week and attending to my wife and little princess after a routine ultrasound on 7/22/10 revealed that my son no longer had a heart beat. We as a family just needed some time to reflect and heal. Today is 7/30/10 and I am writing you this post from Starbucks in Henderson, Nevada. It’s 6:30am and I just got done working out with my friend Justin Blum (one of the top trainers in Las Vegas Area) As a matter of fact if you are in Las Vegas you should definitely call Justin for a workout. He kicked my A** all week. Justin’s phone number is 702-882-6871

Here are 10 Things I learned from this experience:
1. God always has the Master plan. Even though sometimes we don’t understand why some things happen. We can rest assured there is always a reason and only God knows the reason.

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2. Society encourages us (especially men) to keep our feelings to ourselves and not talk about our problems and feelings to other people. I am here to tell you that, “That is bulls***.” Communication is the cornerstone of being a human. By communicating we reach out to the universe and get advise and feedback from others that can help us in time of need. All of you reading this post helped me tremendously in my time of need and I want to THANK YOU.

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3. When you put yourself out there and ask for help you also open yourself up for criticism. That’s just a fact of life. It’s no different than when you play sports in front of a crowd. Someone always finds something to say about you. If Kobe Bryant has one bad night he will get criticized by a bunch of people who couldn’t make a basket if their life depended on it.

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4. Some people are just skeptics and that’s just the way it is. They always think that there is a “hidden agenda” in everything. (my wife used to be like that). I can’t say that I blame them for being like that. In this day and age people are being manipulated on a daily basis and I can see why they think the way they do.

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5. You can’t please everybody. If you try to please everybody then you won’t please no body. I mean look at some of the greatest leaders in the world. No matter how great they were, there were always a few who criticized them. Here are some examples: John Kennedy, Martin Luther King, Nelson Mandela, Mahatma Gandhi, and
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.
(OK that last one was to see if you are paying attention, lol, I like Jay Leno’s name for him he calls him Ahmadi “nut job”.) I am slowly getting my sense of humor back.

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6. They say that if you have one true friend then you are already ahead of most people. I feel so blessed because I feel like I have over 700 true friends who commented and were there for me in time of need. Every comment felt like a huge hug and I THANK YOU.

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7. Some people love you and some people don’t that’s just the way it is. Be yourself and don’t change for anyone. People can always tell a “fake” person vs “genuine” person. Being yourself means that from time to time you are going to pi** somebody off but that’s way better than trying to be someone that you’re not and coming off as a “fake”. Always keep it REAL.

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8. When going through tough times don’t sit home and throw a pity party. It’s not healthy at all. I did that for a couple of days and found that I had a terrible attitude towards life and others. Instead I recommend empowerment activities such as yes you guessed it working out, reading, spending time with loved ones and just getting out of the house.

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9. When you hurt your emotions become ultra “sensitive” and might prevent you from thinking too clearly. Never act or make decisions when you are in that “state of mind”. It’s OK to ask others for their opinion to guide you through when you are not thinking clearly.

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10. As humans we all make mistakes from time to time and make the wrong judgements. If someone makes a mistake and hurts you simply forgive them and move on.

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Especially if they “man up” and apologize. No one is perfect and we ALL have made poor judgements. The key is learning from our mistakes and improve ourselves.
Speaking of forgiveness I forgive Isiah B for the comment he made and accept his apology. He showed a lot of character for admitting his wrong and apologizing
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See Below

 

Isiah B @ 7:47 pm

Saman,

I was just trying to get a rise. You let a complete stranger do that. 19 years old at that. Shows you how vulnerable a person can be in heartace. Saman Bakhitar. I’ve been a complete fool. I sincerely ask for forgiveness from the bottom of my heart. I can’t believe I’d tested myself like this. You don’t deserve this. Please forgive me. And god bless your family.

 

Sam Bakhtiar Dr. Saman @ 7:50 pm

Isiah,

I hope no one ever goes through what I went through. I am not going to lie I am/was so hurt by your comments.
I absolutely love kids. As a matter of fact looking and playing with my little one year old daughter is the only thing that kept me together this week.
One day when God blesses you with children and you hold your child it will completely change your life forever.
I don’t hold a grudge against you as I am not perfect myself. All we can do as humans is learn from our mistakes.
I thank you for apologizing and I accept your apology. May God Bless you and your family.

Please share with me by leaving a comment below on:
1) What did you learn when you went through your toughest times in life?
2) Any words of wisdom for Isiah? How can we help him excel in his young life?

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August 2, 2010

Nikki Rances @ 3:20 am

Sam, it’s past 3am and I just read your email. I’m lying here in bed and I
crying reading your email because it touched me so much. I’m so sorry you, Johnette and Bailey had to go through this…… Sam, I passed by your gym today totally by accident and I thought about you. You have really taught me some tough (just keepin it real) lessons. I loved when u and I would just sit there and eat at papachinos and we’d just crack jokes on each other. I’m actually in the process of moving and I have to be out of here by the 3rd. Of course I’m a procrastinator so…..(sigh…..) basically Sam, to make a long story short, I think God just talked to me through you. Thank you sam for all your emails. They make me laugh and think just when I really need someone to keep it honest with me. With love, Nikki

carrie @ 5:15 am

Dear Sammy- your post brought tears to my eyes…actually, not just to my eyes but streaming down my cheeks…because of the sadness you have suffered, the insight you have so humbly acquired, and the love and kindness you have showed as you are getting through a very difficult time.

Isiah B., thank you for apologizing.

Sammy, thank you for forgiving.

with gracious love to you and your family (your girls are beautiful!!!!),
carrie

Lisa Davlantes @ 7:46 am

Walt Disney said it best: “Keep moving forward.”

To Isiah: Your apology sends a mixed message to me. You admitted that you were “trying to get a rise” and that Sam “let a complete stranger do that.” I am glad you realized your error, but I think you have to ask yourself why you were so angry and felt the need to hurt and manipulate someone else (Sam) when he was in so much emotional pain. Also, please be one of the first of your generation to remember this: If you wouldn’t say something to someone in person, don’t write it in an email.

fred @ 8:31 am

At church yesterday we learned (or re-learned) that forgiveness is essential to keep the deceiver away. Thanks for showing many that we do need to forgive and move forward.
All the best Sam,
Fred

Sheila @ 8:32 am

Hi, Sam,

My blessings to you and your wife during your time of sadness. I’m glad you were able to take some time away with your family to help heal your frayed emotions.

Sheila

Kelly @ 8:33 am

I was wondering if you were okay. I’m so used to seeing something from you in my e-mail box, several times a week. I hope the time off with your family allowed you all to breathe.

Keep things positive and you will find that life is good.

Later,
K

Cheryl @ 8:34 am

I just wanted to let you know I understand what you have gone through. I can
say that because I have been through it myself. Unless you have been through
this no one knows what it is like. That person that made those nasty remarks with
the nasty language is just a horrible person. Sometimes sharing tragedy helps. So
I would not let this one person make you feel like you did something wrong. Actually
this is the first I heard about what happened and you do have my deepest sympathy.
I lost 2 baby girls when I was 6 1/2 months pregnant and another baby when I was
3 months pregnant. I now have 2 grown daughters and feel so blessed to have the two I have.
I hope your wife is doing well, it is hard on the father but it is especially hard on the mother.

You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers,
Cheryl

Laurie @ 8:36 am

I am so blessed by your presence and love. Thank you for being so divine.

Dr. Saman @ 8:49 am

@Nikki: Girl stay strong. Definitely need to do Papachino’s soon and catch up. Hope all is well with you and family.

@Carrie: How are you my awesome high school friend. Thank you for being there for me. I see that you are blessed with a beautiful family. Would love to catch up if you ever come this way.

@Lisa: Thank you. I like the in person thing for sure.

@ Fred: Thank you for your payers. You are an awesome man. Much appreciated.

@ Sheila: THANK YOU

@ Kelly: Everyone worries now if they don’t get an email from me everyday. No worries I am back better than ever.

@ Cheryl: THANK YOU. I am happy for you but very touched by your story. God Bless YOU

@ Laurie: Right back at ya. I feel the same way

Janice @ 8:53 am

You’ve come a long way in a short time. For me you’ll still go through a grieving process which takes time. Your mind understands but your emotions will take time to heal. “Time heals all wounds.” As to your question, what I’ve learned through tough times…. I like your answers but I feel you’ve missed one….God loves us and knows us personally. He knows we can handle the situation and succeed. Through all our “tough times” we learn something new which helps us on our earthly life path becoming better individuals every day. Usually I experience something at a deeper level and can totally empathize with anothers pain which helps me to relate to others better and how I can support them through their “tough times”. May you experience comfort and peace in your heart through this experience from our loving Heavenly Father.

Dr. Saman @ 9:24 am

@ Janice,

You’re absolutely right. I definitely did learn so much that will help me on my “earthly mission”.
Appreciate you Janice. THANK YOU

Carolyn Angus @ 9:31 am

What I learned going through tough times is family, friends, and especially God is always there to help you. You have also been blessed with these things. For Isiah: you are young and have your whole life ahead of you. Look to those who have lived longer to connect to and for mentoring (especially Sam! ) you will learn wisdom, faith, and love to see you through your life challenges (you will have them). Look to God for the final answer, He will strengthen and restore you.

Ernie Perez @ 2:08 pm

Sam, I’m glad to hear that you’re doing “better”…I hope your wife is coping at least half as well…Thank you for this “message”…I’m finding it quite moving and motivating…funny how God uses these “accelerated learning” situations to strengthen us… God bless you and your beautiful family…

Vicki @ 3:48 pm

Hi Sam:

I am glad that your bck may God bless both of you!

Sincerely,

Vicky

Michelle @ 3:49 pm

Hi Sam,

I’m not really one to say much, but I did want to send my condolences to your family for your recent loss! I pray that your family will find strength through this experience and realize that joy also exists through heartache. So, although you may find your son’s passing as a loss, the gift that remains is your family finding strength through one another and through the people in your life who you can truely count on during moments of difficulty.

Find the true blessing in your hardships and you will discover a wealth of happiness!

With love and sincerity,

Shari @ 3:51 pm

Hi

As you know, I don’t respond to emails (I barely read them). But, I felt it in my heart to respond to this; you are so right with your 10 takeaways, I hope that people will read these and use them in their daily lives. I know what it’s like to lose a child and I sincerely feel your loss.

God bless,

Shari

P.S. I’m still loving the car and taking real good care of it!

August 3, 2010

Tara @ 8:15 am

I’m so glad Isaiah apologized, and that you accepted it with grace. You are a good man, Sam.

August 4, 2010

Gloria Charles @ 7:38 am

Thanks Sam. I enjoyed the ten things you learned so much that I’m making notes, for when I need to go back and reflect on what is important. I sincerely appreciate that as a man, you realize that it’s okay to express your feelings and hurts. So many people male and female hold things in. I know because I’m one of those. Have a blessed and wonderful day.

Dr. Saman @ 8:37 am

@ Carolyn: Amen those are the words to live by.
@ Ernie: Thank you for being there for me. God Bless your family as well.
@ Vicki: THANK YOU
@ Michelle: You’re right. Thank you for caring
@ Shari: Even though you are busy thank you very much for caring enough and writing words of encouragement.
@ Gloria: Holding things in is not healthy at all. I learned that we humans are designed to be around each other and communicate. It’s very well documented that peple who are lonely don’t live as long as their counterparts. See you back soon!!!

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